A dog that knows deference or to “ask permission” is a dog that has already “bonded” with its owner or trainer. More often than not, he already knows how to obey willingly and voluntarily, and sometimes he or she no longer needs a direct command to do it. He offers obedience by deferring to his owner some things such as: what he can or cannot eat, what to chase, and what he can’t chase. This is done without the use of any command or hand signal.
This trait can only be achieved by the owner with much patience, clarity, and consistency. The last one being the most important, you the owner, will always have to be consistent so that your dog doesn’t get confused and breaks the bond.
Teaching your dog to “ask permission” or deference is somewhere between learning basic commands and advanced tricks. It is teaching your dog something a little bit more complex than he can understand but can follow.
Your dog may not understand fully what you want him to learn, but he can understand your body language, tone of voice, and verbal and hand signals. You as the owner will get the benefits of having a well-mannered, less aggressive, and non-agitated dog.
Why is asking permission an important training skill?
As an owner/trainer, you have to understand that this is not something you can teach your dog by force or strained discipline. For this desired behavior, you will have to pay attention to your dog and know him better by observing him more and rewarding him at the appropriate moment. And you do this all the time, every time. So, when training time comes, you will have to bring your patience with you, lots of it.
Here are some of the other benefits of teaching your dog to know how to ask permission:
- Makes your dog a little bit more predictable
- Makes your dog a little bit more attentive (not overly attentive though)
- Less aggression
- Calmer dog
- Best trait to establish and maintain trust from dog to owner and the other way around.
Your dog will no longer do the following:
- Lunge across the street for no reason at all
- Jumping up and down on your visitors
- Eat poop
- Eat anything lying on the floor
- Chase little animals, cars, or birds all over the place
- Rush out of the door ahead of its owner.
How to Teach Your Dog to Ask Permission
Basic commands and equipment needed
- “Ask permission” has no verbal signal and no hand signal. Just a very subtle body language of looking at your dog and staying still.
- “Sit” or “Down”: Given occasionally to reset your dog for the next round of deference exercise.
- “Yes”: Marker for the desired behavior
- “Good girl” or “Good boy”: Verbal reward spoken with satisfaction for a job well done. Also, used as a marker for the desired behavior.
- Dog collar and a leash: this will put your dog in training mode. It will also serve as a gentle correction cord for your dog in training.
- Treats and a treat pouch: Your dog’s favorite snacks contained in a small bag tied to the waist will do the trick
- Clicker (optional) to make a clicking sound to mark the desired behavior.
Stage 1 The Standard Lure Method
Keep in mind that the goal of this exercise is to have your dog willingly look to you for permission before lunging or eating something from the ground or anywhere else. This permission cue is without a command and is different from “leave it” in a way that there is no command to not touch something but rather all about him voluntarily asking for permission before going anywhere or eating anything.
This training is done with the assumption that your dog already knows some of the basics like “sit”, “down”, and “get it”.
Step 1: Start Indoors
Start training indoors in a medium-sized room or any room where you won’t have to worry about knocking furniture down.
Step 2: Set Your Dog Up for Ask Permission Phase
Begin by sitting or standing quietly and verbally ask your dog to “sit” or “down”. When your dog is seated without releasing him’ take a treat and place it on the side about 1-2 feet away from him. Do it slowly so that your dog will have time to process the action before he makes any sudden moves.
Step 3: Wait for Your Dog’s Reaction
If you have your dog trained well enough to “sit” and him not go anywhere when not released, he will likely not go for it immediately. The first thing he will do is look at the treat and then look at you.
Step 4: Immediately Mark the Desired Behavior
The very second he looks at you, immediately mark the action with a click or a “yes” then reward him with a treat from your other hand.
Step 5: Let Your Dog Reset on His Own
Allow your dog to reset by waiting if he goes back to “sit” or “down”. Then right after he settles down, again, take a treat then place it on the floor somewhere in front of him. Wait for him to look at you, the second he does, immediately mark it with a yes then reward with verbal praise and treats.
Note: Remember, the goal here is to make your dog practice some restraint without any cues and regularly look to you for permission. All you have to do is wait, and when he does the desired behavior by asking your permission while always looking at you, reward it.
Step 6: Repeat Exercise
Repeat the exercise until your dog gets used to resetting him or herself after getting the reward from your hand.
Step 7: Vary the Exercise by Teaching Him to Go “Get it” Too
Do the same steps as before by waiting for your dog to reset. Once again, take a treat then place it a little farther away from your dog. By this time, he already knows the drill and is half expecting a treat to come from your other hand. This time, just release him by saying “yes” and pointing to the lure, and telling him to go get it.
The purpose of this exercise is to let him know that this kind of behavior can be anything from food on the ground to food from your hand. The important thing is whatever the situation, and whatever the location, he will remember to look at you first before eating anything that is not out of his food bowl.
Step 8: Up His Level By Introducing Other Challenges to the Exercise
As your dog gets better at performing, gradually vary the distance of the lure from him and your distance from your dog. This is to mimic actual situations where your dog might find something from the ground when you are more than a few feet away. He will always defer to you about whether he goes to investigate it or not.
Always remember to be patient and observant and allow your dog to make simple dog decisions on what he can do. If he is overcome by normal impulses, don’t punish him. A little “no” is sufficient enough to let him know that it was a mistake and continue by resetting and working through the steps again.
Stage 2 The Leash Method (plus Proofing Your Dog)
Working out stage 2 goes with an assumption that your dog is already used to holding back from inanimate objects like his kibbles. So, next up, he is going to learn how to automatically resist lunging at and chasing other animals or any other moving object for that matter. You will walk him outside on a loose leash. Remember to always keep the leash loose and apply slight tension only if your dog becomes too distracted.
Step 1: Do “Ask Permission” Exercises on the Way to the Park
Apply the same principle of letting your dog be and whenever you come across something that is moving and distracting your dog, the moment he looks at you, mark, reward, then repeat. The difference is that distractions at this point are mobile and a little bit more challenging for your dog to ignore.
Step 2: Use the Leash
if your dog loses himself just hold on to the leash and stop. Do not pull or jerk, and wait for him to reset and look at you then reward. The key is to not react but wait.
Step 3: If You Can, Lose the Leash (optional)
After 2 weeks or so, you can begin to train him without the leash and do training as usual with a mark and reward. Be extra patient until your dog learns to ask permission before playing with other dogs.
Read also: How to Teach Your Dog to “Leave It”
Troubleshooting “Ask Permission” (what are the common mistakes)
Your dog can get confused and may not be able to perform if you are not being consistent with rewards. Rewarding him too soon or too late will cause him to be unresponsive or maybe ignore you altogether.
Refrain from scolding and raising your voice at your dog if he takes longer to learn, or if he doesn’t respond fast enough for you. Again, patience is key, the less you react the more you can progress your dog through training.
How to Train Your Dog to “Ask Permission” Before Getting on the Couch?
Step 1: Catch Your Dog Lying on the Couch
First, you will have to catch your dog lying on the couch and make an example out of that unwanted behavior (do not scold). Ask him to go down by saying: “off the couch”, or take him away from it and place him in a special bed on the floor.
Step 2: Reward Him for Being Good
At times reward him with treats for good behavior by just remaining on the floor.
Step 3: Invite Your Dog to the Couch
At times in your relaxed moments, invite your dog on the couch with you and reward him with some affection. Do not give him food while on the couch.
Step 4: Reward Him With Treats
As gets back down on the floor give him a treat as a reward. The purpose of this is to make your dog understand he can only get on the couch if you call him there. And not when no one else is around. And he does get some reward from you through touch and some praise.
Step 5: Repeat
Repeat the exercise until your dog gets used to getting on the couch only when invited..
Step 6: If He Forgets, Redirect
Just in case he forgets and lapses, just repeat the exercise to refresh his memory and continue the process of redirection.
See also: How to Teach a Dog to Stay Off the Couch, Bed, and Furniture
How Long Does It Take to Train a Dog to Ask Permission?
Adult Dog
It will take about 2-3 weeks for your dog to learn and retain the “ask permission” behavior since it is upwards of a basic command and a little less complex than advanced tricks.
Depending on the time and effort that you will put into training, only you can determine how fast you can conclude training. On average, 3 times a week at 2-3 sessions a day, with 15 minutes each session will suffice for a dog to learn and perform the desired behavior.
Puppy
You can start teaching a puppy within 7-8 weeks of age. Train at least 3 times a week at 2-3 sessions per day with about 5 minutes each session. He may be able to retain it within 3-4 weeks.
How Do I Train My Dog to Ask Permission Without Treats?
Since this behavior is based on controlling what your dog can and cannot put into his mouth, it is best to start with treats. At this point, lure treats become the center of training which later will transition into the actual things that he will eat. For this exercise, however, it is necessary to start with treats, otherwise, you will have to resort to punishment to teach your dog some restraint. And, that is something we don’t want.
What we want is for the dog to enjoy the training as much as we would, while seeing him slowly progress into that desired behavior. The treats may gradually fade out as he gets used to distractions from the real world.
Read also: How to Teach a Dog to Settle – A Complete Guide
How Do You Teach a Stubborn Dog to Ask Permission?
As an owner/trainer, you must understand that no dog is willfully stubborn. There are a lot of factors that you will take into consideration before you begin to train your dog. Is he a puppy? Juveniles tend to have short attention spans therefore, it will take more patience and a little bit more time to get them to focus.
Is your dog senior? Chances are you will also need more time and patience since he may have acquired bad habits in the past that need to be unlearned before he can be ready for a new set of skills.
Can he see you well? Can he hear you? Is he well? These are some of the things that you will look into before becoming frustrated about your dog being “stubborn.” Otherwise, he should be ready to “play” and learn as most dogs would.
Don’t be tempted to believe in what other people say about dogs having respect, and that it is the reason why they defer to you to lead them. Avoid troubling your dog with words and meanings he can’t understand. He only appears to respect you as his owner because he sees you as the alpha, and in a pack of dogs, it is an instinct in the natural order of things in the animal kingdom. So keep it simple and just be consistent. The reason your dog trusts you is that you are his food source, and keeping it that way keeps him happy too.